This last week, someone that I love very deeply did something that hurt me. It was a small thing, tiny and insignificant, something that I shouldn’t have paid any attention to, but it hurt me so much that I was still upset about it the next day. Tom thought it was stupid for me to be so upset – why couldn’t I just let it go? I gave myself the same speech. “You are a 61-year-old woman, act like you have some maturity. Stop being so childish.” And yet, the child in me continued to rear its ugly head.
It is a lot easier to know what you are supposed to do than it is to do it.
I knew I shouldn’t be hurt by such a small, insignificant action. I wouldn’t have been if it wasn’t someone I love so much. And, if I really love the person so much, I should be able to forgive them and move on. I thought about talking to the person about it but I knew that if I called the action to the person’s attention, it would do two things: 1. It would hurt them because I knew they had no intention of hurting me and 2. It would reveal how childish, unforgiving, and immature I really am.
Instead of talking to the person, I decided to talk to God. Because it really wasn’t a problem in the relationship with the other person – I know how very much that person loves me – it was a problem in my relationship with God. Once again, a situation in my life revealed how very far I am from the person I want to be.
Romans 7 addresses this situation perfectly:
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched person I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
In my mind, I am a follower of God who does what God desires. But, in reality, I all too often fall prey to my sinful and selfish human nature – being hurt by something that should not have hurt me at all and then choosing to hold on to that hurt. Thanks be to God who sent Jesus Christ so that I can be redeemed and reconciled even when I give in to my sinful nature. When I remember how much God loves me, it is easier to let go. After praying and, once again, giving it over to God, I released my hurt and cleansed my spirit.
I am glad that God gives me these little lessons. Maybe, by practicing them, I can eventually conquer some and be ready for the bigger lessons life offers. And I am thankful that God continues to teach and to lead, even when I have trouble walking in his way.
Loving God, thank you for this person in my life whom I love, and who loves me, so very much. Please help me to keep this incident in perspective and to seek, above all, to follow in your way. Do not let me give in to my sinful nature and cause more hurt as a result. May I be as loving to others as you are to me. Amen.