George Washington Jokes to Tell Your Friends

During my time at Fort Necessity I have gained a great appreciation for George Washington.  He was a self-taught man who learned from his mistakes and became a great leader.  There are a lot of George Washington fans out there and I have enjoyed talking to many of them.  But sometimes we think of him as a stuffy old thing and he wasn’t.  He liked to joke around and enjoyed telling stories with his friends, but his sense of humor was subtle.

Here it is evident in a letter he wrote:

In one year alone, no less than 600 visitors showed up on Washington’s doorstep. The first president described his home as a “well-resorted tavern,” and once wrote to a friend that “unless someone pops in unexpectedly-Mrs. Washington and myself will do what I believe has not been done within the last twenty years by us, that is to sit down to dinner by ourselves.”

In honor of George Washington’s sense of humor, I have compiled some George Washington jokes.  These aren’t jokes told by George Washington.  Instead, they are jokes about some aspect of his life or stories told about him.  These are not serious and don’t be insulted.  If you think we should treat everything about George Washington completely seriously, do not read the rest of this post.

But for those of you still with me, here are my favorites (which doesn’t mean they are very good).

Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
Because he couldn’t lie.

What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?

What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?
George Washingtoon!

If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get?
George Squashington.

Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington?
He committed Valley Forgery!

If George Washington were alive today, why couldn’t he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?
Because a dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to.

What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?
They licked the British.

What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.

Donald Trump is sleeping in the White House one night. He wakes up as the ghost of George Washington appears.  Trump asks the ghost, “How can I best serve my country?”
Washington replies, “Never tell a lie.”
“I don’t think I can do that,” says Trump and goes back to sleep.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears.  Trump again asks, “How can I best serve my country?”
Jefferson replies, “Listen to the people.”
Trump says, “Oh! I really don’t want to do that,” and goes back to sleep.
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears.  Once again Trump asks, “How can I best serve my country?”
Lincoln says, “Go to the theater.”

And, finally, this is a story Abraham Lincoln liked to tell about Ethan Allen and George Washington.

Ethan Allen returned to England after the war, and the British made fun of him. One day they put a picture of George Washington in an outhouse where Allen would be sure to see it. He used the outhouse but said nothing about the picture. Then the British asked him about it and Allen said it was a very appropriate place for an Englishman to hang the picture because “nothing will make an Englishman shit so quick as the sight of General Washington.”