When Dad died, I knew Mom and I needed to work the Survivors Checklist.  This is the list of all the things you have to do when someone dies.  Some of them are related to legal matters.  Others are practical.  But they all need to be done.

Mom and Dad did everything they could before Dad died to make the process as easy as possible.  They prepaid their funeral arrangements, bought gravesites and a headstone.  They set up a trust for financial matters.  Both of them made living wills and gave all three of us kids durable power of attorney and health care power of attorney.  And all of this was even easier because Mom was a surviving spouse instead of both Mom and Dad being gone.

There were still plenty of things to do and Mom and I have been working the survivors checklist for the last month.  Tom has been our chauffeur as we went from one place to another.  I made a checklist, compiled from several different sources on the internet.  I think it is important to do this because each person’s circumstances are different.  Everything is much more complicated if both parents are gone or if there isn’t a will.

First on the list was funeral arrangements.  I am thankful for the rituals we have surrounding death because they help us get through first days.  Liz, at Snyder’s Funeral Home, was very helpful as we walked through the process.  Obituary, visiting hours, funeral, funeral dinner interment, and death certificates.  Mom knew just what Dad wanted and it made everything easier.

Next on the survivors checklist was thank you notes.  I offered to help Mom write these, but she wanted to do them herself and she got all of them out within a week of the funeral.  Thank yous for memorial gifts, for flowers, and for special things that people did immediately after the death.

Soon after the funeral, Mom and I started with the financial matters.  With death certificates and social security numbers in hand, Mom and I headed to the bank and to their financial advisor.  Because we had the proper documents, all of it went very smoothly.  No one wanted to keep the death certificates.  They just copied them and handed them back to us.

The hardest thing was the credit card.  Mom had never had a credit card just in her name.  So the credit card company canceled her card under Dad’s account.  Then Mom had to apply for another one in just her name.  And the credit card representative wouldn’t talk to me about it.  I get it – there is a lot of elder abuse out there – but it was a hard thing for Mom to do on her own over the phone.

We got an appointment so Mom can file for Social Security survivor benefits.  I backed up Dad’s phone (the pictures and contacts) and then we canceled his phone plan and returned his phone.  Medicare canceled the health insurance automatically upon notice of death.  Mom called all Dad’s doctors and canceled future appointments.  I canceled the automatic refills of his drugs.  His voter registration was also canceled automatically (so much for all the alleged voter fraud).

Insurance was the next thing on the survivors checklist.  We visited the insurance agent to get Dad’s name taken off the car insurance.  I called the life insurance company and pulled together the paperwork for that.  There wasn’t any homeowners insurance to take care of, since Mom and Dad moved into their retirement community.

We finished up the survivors checklist with a visit to the lawyer.  I thought that would be more complicated, but Mom and Dad had done such a great job of setting everything up already that we didn’t have to do anything.  Mom took her car title in to the title company and got it transfered to her name instead of Dad’s.  Then we went to the BMV so she could get her driver’s license renewed.  That wasn’t on the list – it was just time.  While there, however, we also got Dad’s vanity license plate transferred to Mom.

Mom will still have to clean out Dad’s things, but that is something she can do over time as she feels up to it.  And my brother and sister are able to help with that.  I went with Mom to do all these other things for two reasons.  First, it is easier to do it when you aren’t alone.  And, second, I thought it was helpful to meet the lawyer, banker, insurance broker, CPA and financial advisor.  Tom was a great support by driving us from place to place.

Working the survivors checklist was a good thing for me because it helped me see what needs to be done when someone dies.  It was also a good thing to do with Mom.  Doing the list together helped her feel supported and less alone.

Have you had to work the survivors checklist?  What was hardest for you?  What did you have to do that I did not?  Perhaps your story would be helpful to someone else going through this.